Sunday, October 12, 2008

My walk

Since I have started this blog, people have assumed that I have always been a believer or that I became a believer because of the death of our son. Neither of these is true, my walk with Christ and our Father began many...many years ago. I know this journal entry is going to be boring and will most likely be the condensed version since many things in my life that brought me to Christ are very private, but here is the short version of my walk with him.
About 8 years ago, a gal that I was doing my internship slowly became my friend. On our many drives across the county we live in she asked me "Where are you on your walk with Christ?" And I could not answer her...yes, I did not have an answer. She was not judgmental or mean like others had been in the past when talking about this whole "God thing".
I slowly became a in layers, going to church, being feed with the word (which I had never heard), but most importantly, changing my life to honor the one who gave it to me. I remember a sermon one weekend that talked about opening up your heart to Christ, excepting the gift he gave for you(Jesus dying on the cross for our sins) and letting my pride disappear. I finally figured out that I was always trying to do everything for myself and by myself...and I needed to give it all to the Lord. I was amazed the peace and love that was in my heart when I gave it all to him. All these years I was waiting...waiting and hoping that God would choose me...thinking that I was not good enough for him to choose...but all along he was the one who was waiting...waiting for me to CHOOSE HIM. I don't want you to think that a halo is over my head and that I am perfect...just the opposite...I know all my down falls and sin and struggle daily to be the person that God created me to be. My goal now in this life is to serve him...instead of serving myself.

The magnitude of my "true" faith was not shown to others(or myself) until my son died...I was always very private about my faith. Many people would ask me questions like..."how can you love God after he killed your baby?" I was not really sure how to answer a that question, but here we go...God is not evil, he is love. Can he make miracles happen? Yes...can he allow trials to creep into our lives? Yes...
But if you listen, really listen you can hear him say...Trust me...this too is for my GLORY.
Maybe the miracle is so big that we are too close to see it...that only God can see what awesome things will unfold because of one little, brief life. That is my TRUE FAITH.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love you so much! Look at how open you are.--A beautiful child of God.
Your sis,