Friday, June 19, 2009!!!

I was at the swimming pool tonight with my daughter at swimming lessons and was being introduced to another mom there...when I took a look at her belly...oh so cute...yes, she was pregnant. Then there was the mad rush of jealousy and envy...I kept thinking for real!! I had truly thought that I was over these feelings of seeing a pregnant woman...and BAM!!! "REALLY !!!!!". I am so very blessed to have two children alive and well with me...still, my heart longs for more children to add to our family. I started thinking that maybe because what we have gone through, I will ALWAYS look at things differently. Pregnant women, newborn babies, the cry of a baby, the baby isle in a store. I always feel like I am looking back, reliving those moments or days...playing them over and over, not wanting to let go of what has happened; because it is all that I have of my babies...crazy, I know. I once heard a comment that a counselor said to a struggling family about grief and the loss that someone was going through of a loved one that had a traumatic death... You keep replaying their death or details of their death everyday..over and over in your mind...but in reality...they only suffered death once...
Don't think that I am wanting to forget...or that I am suggesting to forget their loved one...oh could you do that. But I feel like I am looking back instead of embracing what happened and applying it to today. Looking forward with the past tightly cuddled in my hand.

But once again...God places his words before me to comfort and grant me peace.

The story of Lot and his wife...Lot's wife looked back after God told them not to...she was then turned into a pillar of salt.

I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14

But my fave for this week...
1 John 3:20 God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything

Glory be to GOD in ALL things

Thursday, June 18, 2009

This Saturday and Sunday Wendy's will be donating 50 cents to the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption for every Frosty sold!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Items in a jar

Yes...I have placed an item in my jar, two actually. I am trying to be creative with the jar being "half full" attitude instead of half empty...oh yeah, there was a pun intended.

The first item I placed in my jar was a rock...nothing great and awesome about it. Though, I think I spotted a fossil in it..hha..haa. But, I placed it in the jar of "his treasures" because I liked it, my son was playing with it and gave it to me as a gift. I also placed it into my jar because I thought maybe I was the second person ever to touch this rock(my little one being the first) Now how cool would that be? So in the jar it went.

The second item was my grocery may think I am crazy(though, that is still open for discussion). I placed it in my jar because I am blessed and grateful for

the money to purchase food for my family. So many don't have the means to do this task. So I feel like it deserved the gratitude it was in it went.

I was searching for the perfect words of the Father to place in this entry...and BAM!!!! Flipped right to these(he is too cool!)

Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful

Psalm 107:9
For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The old jar

Hello...all!!! Hope you and yours are doing well. The weather is finally starting to remember that it is summer and making its appearance now and again. It has been nearly 4 1/2 years since Elijah died...I have started to get "creative" in the way that I deal with my grief and utter pain of not having him in my everyday and night life. I wanted to share with you something that I briefly read in a book, but I am expanding on it a little and will keep you posted on if it really works for me or not. I hope to also find some scripture to offer...maybe in the next post.

I have just received a whole box of old canning jars from a friend(she must know that I can't ever say no when people offer). So my brain has been hard at it to think of what I was going to do with all my little glass gifts. Got me thinking...yes, I do think from time to time...surprise!!!! So, I decided to lift my spirits a little and make it a little "collect ALL jar". Collecting things that I see, that... for a moment bring me joy and a glimpse into our wonderful creator.

What, you ask am I planning on placing into the jar???? Well, I don't really know yet. HE has not yet given me a "treasure" to place into my jar.(Always HIS timing, not mine). But I am going to make time to look at the gifts around me. Rocks, leaves, maybe even a lighting bug or two...don't worry animal activists, I will set them free. I want to be able to look at something small that captures my eye and my heart, placing it into an sad, lonely, empty jar. Slowly, filling it up to the top. Later, being able to recall in my memory the joy that each and every item in the jar gave to me. Filling my heart with hope and happiness like the treasures filled my jar.

God is good and always provides small treasures to us in his name.