Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Happy birthday big guy

Hey little guy it's your big sis I know you don't know me as well.I only saw you once .But I still miss you a LOT. Every once and a while I daydream Me,Mom,your little brother,You,and Dad going to a movie together and I have to take You and your little brother to the bathroom.But I'd rather do that NOW then have you gone now .So bye little bro.I miss you

Love,Big Sis

HaPpY BiRtHdAy!!!

How could another year go by so quickly. Bittersweet...the years passby and I remember the years without you, but with every passing year is also one more year closer to our reunion. I remember this day so well, every moment because it is all I have of you. Your long fingers, your hair, your silly face that looks like your sister and brother. Just you.
I wanted to have my birthday letter tell you the things that you have taught me and brought to my life...I know that if you were would say "MOM" and be all embarrassed, but I am going to do it anyway.(Insert...big wet smooch on your face)

You brought me the skill of patience...patience to have more children,patience in having no control over anything, but most importantly, patience to the time that is in between us until I embrace you again.

True Love: Knowing and feeling true love. It boggles my mind how strongly I can love you without having you here. I know that we are connected with a tether that GOD created...and that can never be broken...I am your Mommy and you are my distance, no one, no thing can break that. EVER. You also allowed me to openly feel the true love of our heavenly father...and you gave me the freedom to allow HIM to hold me in a tight embrace all these years.

A love for more children: You have given me the desire to not give up, to get back up and to be a better Mommy. Loving even the tough times and rejoicing in them. Knowing how quickly they could be gone.

A stronger love for our FATHER: I had to give you to HIM with an open and truly trusting heart. Not understanding why you were gone and away from me...but knowing our GOD has great plans for you. And that I must fully entrust you to him for his GLORY.

Seeing the ripple effect that you caused in so many people. Some turned bitter and cursed GOD, while others with an open heart started to question their walk with CHRIST and are on the path of the gospel. AMEN. GOOD work little guy. That is what it is all about.

Wishing you a wonderful birthday surrounded by the sound and sight of love. I love you so much and wish I could give you a big hug and smooch, long enough to embarrass you...BIG TIME!!! Thank you for the blessings that you have given have taught me so much little guy. Until we meet on the tip of the you!!!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry CHRISTmas

My adult CHRISTmas list: All that do not know love will find it and embrace it with an open heart, those who are lost will be found, children that suffer will never know pain or grief again only true love and comfort while being safe and having a full belly. The world will not worry about the small stuff that fills their lives, but will give to others and be filled with joy to do so more and more everyday. That those who do not know Christ will listen, open their hearts and minds to the truth and feel it within. That those who have lost a loved one and ache everyday, will find comfort that will last this earthly life that through Christ, they will never have to say goodbye. AMEN

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Matthew West - My Own Little World

Thought I would share this great video...don't forget to mute music at bottom of counter...

A gift from a brother

Last week I took my children out to the cemetery, too cold for the littler ones, but my son wanted to get out and "see the stone". I was there to change things out from summer/fall to more winter flowers. My parents had placed a fire truck for Elijah. My guy was very excited about this toy..."this is the coolest thing ever". He asked who put it we went through the whole story about Elijah and that this is where he is buried and that people place special things at his grave to show that they love him. My guy asked..."Mom, do you think my brother will let me borrow his fire truck?" Tears streamed down my face..the question took my breath away. "Yes, I think Elijah would love to share his toys with you." Never in a million years did I think that they would ever be able to share toys...not how I had hoped, but still sharing them in a special and intimate way.

God gave me a special gift that day.

Allowing my youngest son's life to be touched my his absent older brother.

Allowing a connection and a brotherly love without ever meeting each other.

Allowing my son to know that when he meets God and Jesus, that his brother whose heart is bound to his, will be waiting to meet him.

I know that GOD places these moments before me as a constant reminder that he still remembers me and my pain...offering me HOPE and peace about his will. His ways are always mysterious and complicated. But my heart is aligned with his, and I know that his ways are more majestic than I could ever create or plan for.