Last Thursday we had to put our special, loving, devoted, and funny dog Shadow to sleep...he had lived a long, fun and happy life...but it still was so hard to make the decision to do that for him. He (we think) was about 15ish. The "we think" comes from the fact that he was a great find that we found at the animal shelter...I would love to share the story of how he came to us...to explain how special he was to us for 12 years.
My husband wanted to get a puppy...so after searching...I think that we both decided we could not spend $300+ on a papered dog...so we thought the animal shelter would be a place to get the puppy that my husband was hoping for. He was looking for a dog to train and possibly hunt with. He had gone many times to the shelter without me and finally found "the one"...a puppy. So I went one day to look at him...it was days before Christmas..so a little present for us in our new home...so we thought. As he showed me this puppy...he was cute..but I was not sold...I kept thinking this little guy will not have any trouble getting a good home...but probably not ours. As I looked down the long...aisle of cages...I spotted a black lab mix dog..not old..but not a puppy either. Just looking at him...he did not bark like the other dogs trying to get our attention. He had given up...you could see it in his big brown eyes. I asked to take him into the visit room. As I was petting him I raised my hands to bounce a tennis ball for him to chase...and he shrunk down as if I was going to hit him...THAT WAS IT...he was going home with us. Usually they make you wait 48 hours until you can take your new member home...but for some reason they said we could take him now. As I was filling out all of the paper work and ready to leave...one of the staff pulled my hubby aside and told him that he had gotten a "note" that they were to put him down that night...that they had held onto him for longer than they were supposed to just hoping he would find a home...WOW...goosebumps...everytime I remember how he came into our lives...so many memories and fun times.
How he would smell the strawberries that were in the grocery bag...how he would do a little teenager HUFF, when he didn't get his way. Or how he would always be there the last few years as tears would stream down my face...always sensing that I needed him.
As most of you who read my blog..know that I am a "religious folk"...many have asked if I believe that my dog will be in heaven when I get there...well I don't really know. I have had a conversation with God about this a lot the last few weeks...but as I was preparing lessons for July for children's church...Noah and the Ark was the lesson for July..no...really.
Like I said...I don't know if animals are taken to heaven...but I know that they are a beautiful part of God's creation. And that God doesn't make mistakes...And that they were important enough when all the world was sinning so much for God to command Noah to save his family and two of every animal and bird...so thinking maybe...
Genesis 6-9:17 GOOD STUFF...
also check out http://www.rainbowbridge.com/
click on the poem icon on the lower right...tears...tears...
Just a nice support for ones who have lost a pet.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Oh...man...again!!!
I was at the swimming pool tonight with my daughter at swimming lessons and was being introduced to another mom there...when I took a look at her belly...oh so cute...yes, she was pregnant. Then there was the mad rush of jealousy and envy...I kept thinking for real!! I had truly thought that I was over these feelings of seeing a pregnant woman...and BAM!!! "REALLY !!!!!". I am so very blessed to have two children alive and well with me...still, my heart longs for more children to add to our family. I started thinking that maybe because what we have gone through, I will ALWAYS look at things differently. Pregnant women, newborn babies, the cry of a baby, the baby isle in a store. I always feel like I am looking back, reliving those moments or days...playing them over and over, not wanting to let go of what has happened; because it is all that I have of my babies...crazy, I know. I once heard a comment that a counselor said to a struggling family about grief and the loss that someone was going through of a loved one that had a traumatic death... You keep replaying their death or details of their death everyday..over and over in your mind...but in reality...they only suffered death once...
Don't think that I am wanting to forget...or that I am suggesting to ANYONE...to forget their loved one...oh ...my..how could you do that. But I feel like I am looking back instead of embracing what happened and applying it to today. Looking forward with the past tightly cuddled in my hand.
But once again...God places his words before me to comfort and grant me peace.
The story of Lot and his wife...Lot's wife looked back after God told them not to...she was then turned into a pillar of salt.
I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14
But my fave for this week...
1 John 3:20 God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything
Glory be to GOD in ALL things
Don't think that I am wanting to forget...or that I am suggesting to ANYONE...to forget their loved one...oh ...my..how could you do that. But I feel like I am looking back instead of embracing what happened and applying it to today. Looking forward with the past tightly cuddled in my hand.
But once again...God places his words before me to comfort and grant me peace.
The story of Lot and his wife...Lot's wife looked back after God told them not to...she was then turned into a pillar of salt.
I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14
But my fave for this week...
1 John 3:20 God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything
Glory be to GOD in ALL things
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Items in a jar
Yes...I have placed an item in my jar, two actually. I am trying to be creative with the jar being "half full" attitude instead of half empty...oh yeah, there was a pun intended.
The first item I placed in my jar was a rock...nothing great and awesome about it. Though, I think I spotted a fossil in it..hha..haa. But, I placed it in the jar of "his treasures" because I liked it, my son was playing with it and gave it to me as a gift. I also placed it into my jar because I thought maybe I was the second person ever to touch this rock(my little one being the first) Now how cool would that be? So in the jar it went.
The second item was my grocery bill...you may think I am crazy(though, that is still open for discussion). I placed it in my jar because I am blessed and grateful for
the money to purchase food for my family. So many don't have the means to do this task. So I feel like it deserved the gratitude it was worth...so in it went.
I was searching for the perfect words of the Father to place in this entry...and BAM!!!! Flipped right to these(he is too cool!)
Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful
Psalm 107:9
For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things
The first item I placed in my jar was a rock...nothing great and awesome about it. Though, I think I spotted a fossil in it..hha..haa. But, I placed it in the jar of "his treasures" because I liked it, my son was playing with it and gave it to me as a gift. I also placed it into my jar because I thought maybe I was the second person ever to touch this rock(my little one being the first) Now how cool would that be? So in the jar it went.
The second item was my grocery bill...you may think I am crazy(though, that is still open for discussion). I placed it in my jar because I am blessed and grateful for
the money to purchase food for my family. So many don't have the means to do this task. So I feel like it deserved the gratitude it was worth...so in it went.
I was searching for the perfect words of the Father to place in this entry...and BAM!!!! Flipped right to these(he is too cool!)
Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful
Psalm 107:9
For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The old jar
Hello...all!!! Hope you and yours are doing well. The weather is finally starting to remember that it is summer and making its appearance now and again. It has been nearly 4 1/2 years since Elijah died...I have started to get "creative" in the way that I deal with my grief and utter pain of not having him in my everyday and night life. I wanted to share with you something that I briefly read in a book, but I am expanding on it a little and will keep you posted on if it really works for me or not. I hope to also find some scripture to offer...maybe in the next post.
I have just received a whole box of old canning jars from a friend(she must know that I can't ever say no when people offer). So my brain has been hard at it to think of what I was going to do with all my little glass gifts. Got me thinking...yes, I do think from time to time...surprise!!!! So, I decided to lift my spirits a little and make it a little "collect ALL jar". Collecting things that I see, that... for a moment bring me joy and a glimpse into our wonderful creator.
What, you ask am I planning on placing into the jar???? Well, I don't really know yet. HE has not yet given me a "treasure" to place into my jar.(Always HIS timing, not mine). But I am going to make time to look at the gifts around me. Rocks, leaves, maybe even a lighting bug or two...don't worry animal activists, I will set them free. I want to be able to look at something small that captures my eye and my heart, placing it into an sad, lonely, empty jar. Slowly, filling it up to the top. Later, being able to recall in my memory the joy that each and every item in the jar gave to me. Filling my heart with hope and happiness like the treasures filled my jar.
God is good and always provides small treasures to us in his name.
I have just received a whole box of old canning jars from a friend(she must know that I can't ever say no when people offer). So my brain has been hard at it to think of what I was going to do with all my little glass gifts. Got me thinking...yes, I do think from time to time...surprise!!!! So, I decided to lift my spirits a little and make it a little "collect ALL jar". Collecting things that I see, that... for a moment bring me joy and a glimpse into our wonderful creator.
What, you ask am I planning on placing into the jar???? Well, I don't really know yet. HE has not yet given me a "treasure" to place into my jar.(Always HIS timing, not mine). But I am going to make time to look at the gifts around me. Rocks, leaves, maybe even a lighting bug or two...don't worry animal activists, I will set them free. I want to be able to look at something small that captures my eye and my heart, placing it into an sad, lonely, empty jar. Slowly, filling it up to the top. Later, being able to recall in my memory the joy that each and every item in the jar gave to me. Filling my heart with hope and happiness like the treasures filled my jar.
God is good and always provides small treasures to us in his name.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Waiting out the wait
No, I have not fallen off the face of the planet...though if feels like it...have not been feeling well...Don't worry,I don't believe it is anything too serious. But while I have been having blood tests done, I am reminded once again that I am not mortal...got me thinking about the when, where and how I will leave this world. I know we usually don't get the "heads up" on that one, but I often use the term "waiting out the wait" or "out waiting the wait"(you can let me know what is grammatically correct). You can take that a few different ways, but for me in this life..."I am waiting"...waiting for when I am in Heaven, waiting for my service on earth do be done, waiting to be reunited with other believing loved ones..and most of all waiting to be in the presence of "HIM."
I have a new understanding of the "wait" not only since becoming a believer, but also at the loses that have happened to our family over the last few years...in the last five years we have lost so many that we love, cherish and miss daily.
Ok...get ready..I am going to say a scary word to some of you ...but death(there I said it) has a different look to me. Don't get me wrong...I want to see my kids grow up, meet my grand kids..etc. I want to do good things for those around me and my community, I want to retire, get old and work at Wal-mart handing out happy face stickers to all the kids(little joke around here due to lack of a 401K).
Get ready...going to say it again. Death looks less scary...inviting...comforting and most of all HOME. So I wait as if I am going on the best anticipated vacation EVER. Packing nothing but the love that has been passed to me. Waiting...for the chance to hold my Elijah who I never really got to know and for the first time meet my other baby...though we have never laid eyes on each other...I am quite sure I will know them when I see them. I pray that with one embrace my special children feel all the love that I have had and been saving for only them all these years. So until I am called HOME...I wait. Some days the wait seems short, like time on earth is going so fast but other days it seems like I am just standing still...as I am waiting out the wait.
I have a new understanding of the "wait" not only since becoming a believer, but also at the loses that have happened to our family over the last few years...in the last five years we have lost so many that we love, cherish and miss daily.
Ok...get ready..I am going to say a scary word to some of you ...but death(there I said it) has a different look to me. Don't get me wrong...I want to see my kids grow up, meet my grand kids..etc. I want to do good things for those around me and my community, I want to retire, get old and work at Wal-mart handing out happy face stickers to all the kids(little joke around here due to lack of a 401K).
Get ready...going to say it again. Death looks less scary...inviting...comforting and most of all HOME. So I wait as if I am going on the best anticipated vacation EVER. Packing nothing but the love that has been passed to me. Waiting...for the chance to hold my Elijah who I never really got to know and for the first time meet my other baby...though we have never laid eyes on each other...I am quite sure I will know them when I see them. I pray that with one embrace my special children feel all the love that I have had and been saving for only them all these years. So until I am called HOME...I wait. Some days the wait seems short, like time on earth is going so fast but other days it seems like I am just standing still...as I am waiting out the wait.
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