I was at the swimming pool tonight with my daughter at swimming lessons and was being introduced to another mom there...when I took a look at her belly...oh so cute...yes, she was pregnant. Then there was the mad rush of jealousy and envy...I kept thinking for real!! I had truly thought that I was over these feelings of seeing a pregnant woman...and BAM!!! "REALLY !!!!!". I am so very blessed to have two children alive and well with me...still, my heart longs for more children to add to our family. I started thinking that maybe because what we have gone through, I will ALWAYS look at things differently. Pregnant women, newborn babies, the cry of a baby, the baby isle in a store. I always feel like I am looking back, reliving those moments or days...playing them over and over, not wanting to let go of what has happened; because it is all that I have of my babies...crazy, I know. I once heard a comment that a counselor said to a struggling family about grief and the loss that someone was going through of a loved one that had a traumatic death... You keep replaying their death or details of their death everyday..over and over in your mind...but in reality...they only suffered death once...
Don't think that I am wanting to forget...or that I am suggesting to ANYONE...to forget their loved one...oh ...my..how could you do that. But I feel like I am looking back instead of embracing what happened and applying it to today. Looking forward with the past tightly cuddled in my hand.
But once again...God places his words before me to comfort and grant me peace.
The story of Lot and his wife...Lot's wife looked back after God told them not to...she was then turned into a pillar of salt.
I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14
But my fave for this week...
1 John 3:20 God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything
Glory be to GOD in ALL things
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