A tear and a toy

My daughter "M" and myself had our "date night" last night...we went for our bi-annual hair cut and went for a quick bite to eat after. She has been wanting to also get a birthday present for her brother "I". As we were in Wal-Mart...it began...the what ifs' and what could have beens'. Yes, I am truly thankful to God for the two children that are with me...everyday I am reminded that they could NOT be here with me. And almost weren't...I do also start to remember that I also am missing the memories with two that are in heaven. Not only to hold and tickle and laugh with, but to buy the fun birthday and Christmas presents and to share in the Holiday traditions. I am reminded as I look at all the toys in the aisle that I would be getting gifts for a almost 8y, 4y, 3y, and 2y. UGH....then it begins...my eyes fill up and I try to hide it...from the passersby that are doing there shopping and from my daughter. Though I am quite sure she knew what was up...she tends to feel it too this time of year.
Then God reminds me that all his children are just that HIS...they are not MINE...he allowed me to watch over them for the time allowed, that Elijah and Kate(as my daughter calls him/her)are in the presence of HIM at this very moment. They know no pain just an unmeasurable amount of happiness and love.
And though we are not able to celebrate the way we hoped...we include all of our children in traditions that fit our circumstances.

Somethings we have done to include all of our little ones are:
That every child in our family gets to have a special ornament on the tree each year.

We do special Birthday cakes for each birthday

We buy gifts for our children with us from our children in heaven.

We will buy gifts around the age of our children in heaven and donate to a local charity.

Though these are a few things we do ...I would love to hear of new ideas we can use as new traditions.

AND yes, by the time we got to the check out register...the tears we gone, until I say the family with 4 kids one aisle over...ugh...